


Nobody Knows

by StarPrincess



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Reader-Insert, Romance, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-21 15:52:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7393726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarPrincess/pseuds/StarPrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were just a Squad Leader in the Survey Corps, trying to live life at its fullest before you inevitably perished in your mission to save humanity. Who knew you would be caught up in a whirlwind of feelings between your Commander and a brooding Captain? </p><p>Spoilers dotted throughout, you have been warned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Levi

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! 
> 
> I'm not sure if you're reading this because it appeared in the general SnK feed or if you're a fan from my previous story. If you're part of the latter, hello again, and thank you for coming back! This will be quite a different story from my previous one, which was admittedly an unabashed lemon. I confess, I was trying to work on another reader-insert with a tad more fun and romantic tension but this idea appeared and writing it felt so easy. In the end, I was aiming for a subtle character study. Either way, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> For all readers, there will be spoilers and minor canon details throughout the story and if you haven't caught up to the latest chapter, there is a possibility you will get spoiled. I apologize since the story revolves a major spoiler in a very recent chapter. But, in case you didn't read all of that...
> 
> WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!!! 
> 
> Otherwise, I hope you enjoy this!

Levi knew the moment he stepped into the Commander’s office at three in the morning. You and Erwin were chatting amicably, so much so that neither of you noticed the surly Captain’s entrance. From as far as he knew, the two of you had a strategy meeting sometime after dinner and for the rest of the evening, he had not seen head or hair of you. He would never admit it, but he was waiting in his room, his ears perked for the sound of your gentle footsteps when you reached his door. Levi was not a man who needed a lot of sleep but in the past few months of your relationship, he enjoyed the calm presence of your warm body beside him as he lay in bed.

“What the hell are you guys doing?” Levi demanded, cutting into your conversation.

You and the Commander turned to the sudden voice and you blushed when you saw the hands on the small clock on Erwin’s desk and realized what it might have looked like to your boyfriend. Luckily, Erwin gave a slight chuckle, lightening the mood, and answered, “Were you knocking for a while, Levi? Apologies, [F/N] and I finished our meeting a while back and ended up doing some paperwork when we started talking about some of our more… lighthearted childhood stories.” 

The Commander passed you an amused look and you couldn’t help but smile at the small twinkle in his eye. The motion was not unnoticed by Levi as the bitter bile of jealousy rose into his throat. He wasn’t about to voice his discontent seeing that his relationship with you wasn’t known to anyone. Besides, he knew he had to have some sort of excuse as to why he showed up to his superior’s office other than the sound of [F/N]’s gentle laughter through the large oak doors. 

“I was on my way to the stables when I saw your light. I thought the plans and preparations for the next expedition were done ages ago,” said Levi nonchalantly. “If not, then something’s wrong.”

You decided to step in. “Nothing’s wrong, Levi. I wasn’t appointed the Squad Leader of the Intel and Strategy Squad for nothing you know.” His lips involuntarily twitched at your comment. He knew that tone of voice very well. Your relationship began with petty squabbles, quips and snarky jabs at each other. For most of the other soldiers in the Corps, they weren’t sure if you were stupid or brave to be poking fun at the Captain. Levi, on the other hand, slowly realized that he appreciated your attitude. He knew that unlike everyone else, you didn’t put him on a pedestal despite his superhuman abilities. It made him feel human, almost as if he could somehow have a normal life.

“Well, Levi has a point,” said Erwin finally. “You should be getting to bed. We have long days ahead of us.” 

You saluted and started out of the office. Levi followed behind you wordlessly. The two of you went down the familiar hallways, not speaking a word to each other until you reached the sanctuary of Levi’s room. You never knew if any nosy cadets would see or hear any of the affectionate gestures you and the Captain shared when you were alone. Relationships in the military were not forbidden but they were frowned upon. At the very least, neither of you were subordinate to each other but both of you had always feared that your relationship would be distracting to many of the soldiers. Levi had nothing to fear - he was scary enough as himself but you were an easier target for gossip, both idle or malicious. 

When Levi had finally closed the door behind the two of you, you felt his arms wrap around you and you nuzzled your face in the crook of his neck. You took in his familiar smell of spice and tea and you felt a small flutter in your stomach when you felt his fingers draw circles on your back. 

“I thought you would never come,” he whispered. You gave him a small peck on the lips and he deepened the kiss, his mouth showing you his need for you. 

When you broke for air, you responded, “Of course I’d come. I just lost track of time.”

Levi’s stomach sank when he heard those words. He was a quiet man, not one for small talk. He knew that you understood that and the two of you often communicated with actions - a familiar brush of the hand against a shoulder, a teasing flick to the forehead, stolen kisses in secluded corners… He thought that neither of you were chatty people but your evenings with the Commander seemed to prove otherwise. 

Both of you had never shared your stories until the late night. Neither of you knew each other’s hopes and dreams. Levi hadn’t told you about his childhood in the underground and your childhood was just as unknown to him. Both of you were equal in your silence. Until now. Levi hated the fact that Erwin knew more about your past than he did. The Captain had always thought that he would’ve been the first to know. 

Frantically, Levi attacked your buckles, undoing them deftly as his hands reached for your bare flesh underneath your shirt. You did the same, though your fingers could not keep pace with his. With your shirt open, revealing your breasts to his hungry eyes, Levi pushed you against the wall and began suckling at your nipples. He wanted to make you moan and call out his name as many times as he could tonight.

He wasn’t good with words but he knew that somehow, he had to convey his feelings for you.


	2. You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow this came out a little depressing but all in all, I like it for all that it's worth. I hope that you enjoy it as well!

You knew all along about the conflicting emotions that cut your heart into two. When you began your relationship with Levi, you thought that you could finally be free. Laying in bed next to him at night allowed you to drown those thoughts in the steady sound of his heartbeat. However, when the daylight came, you would find yourself talking to the Commander again, an inevitable joy spreading on the features of your face as you exchanged small talk that led to long conversations about the most random topics - horses, the origin of titans, the dubious quality of the food in the Survey Corps.

On one occasion, you had a conversation about his loneliness. It was during the summer break when most soldiers had a few days off to visit their families. Like many others, your blood-bound family was gone, replaced with the kind souls you supped with in the Corps. You were about to hand in a report to the Commander when you saw two figures emerge from his office. The first was the familiar scruffy face of Nile Dok, Commander of the Military Police, in plain clothes followed by a woman who held onto him by the crook of his arm. There was a satisfied glow to her face and a small bump on her stomach that suggested that she would soon be a mother. 

A small twinge of jealousy coursed through you as you thought, once again, that your life could never know that happiness until the titans were gone. You couldn’t bring a child to this world when the danger was so rampant that he or she could not live freely without fear. It was your life’s mission to rid that fear from humanity. You made that decision that long ago. 

You entered the office and as you sat down on the other side of Erwin’s desk, you saw the Commander take out a dusty bottle at the bottom of his drawer. He laid out two glasses on the desk and poured some spirit into both. You had been in this spot many times for all the different meetings and late nights doing paperwork and not once have you seen the Commander partake in alcohol. The report you were about to hand in lay forgotten on the desk.

“I’m sorry that you got roped into this, [F/N],” he said, sliding a glass towards you. “I was hoping that at the very least, I wouldn’t have to drink alone.” 

You took the glass and took a sip. The amber liquid burned all the way down your throat but you kept it down as you kept your face neutral and calm.

“Want to talk about it?” you asked.

There was a level of familiarity that you shared with the Commander that only a few people were privy to. He downed the contents of the glass and poured another drink for himself. It was a side that you had never seen from him before. It was reassuring. It felt like for a moment, the Commander wasn’t the hard-hearted leader willing to sacrifice his comrades for the greater good. He just seemed like a vulnerable human being like everyone else. 

Slowly, he told her of his days as a cadet. Of how he met Marie, the pregnant woman, at a bar with Nile in tow. On how the two of them would compete for her affections. On how, in the end, despite being in the top ten of the cadets, he chose to be in the Survey Corps instead, giving her up. The jealousy that you had put away flared out again and with an unabashed vitriol, and you downed your glass as if to add to the flames. He poured you another drink.

“I don’t even know why I’m upset,” he admitted. “I knew what I signed up for. I don’t even care for her enough to take her back from Nile. I wouldn’t even dare to seek out a wife or a family with death hanging above me at any moment but somehow...” He never finished his sentence but you could see how pained he was at the forlorn expression on his face. 

“Everyone has these paths in their heads… the could have been, sometimes the should have beens in their lives,” you replied, trying to reassure him. “It’s natural to be curious about what would have happened had you made a different decision in your life. Sometimes, our imaginations lead us to think that we could’ve had something better but the truth is, we don’t know that for sure. This is the path you’re on right now and at the very least, I can tell you that I’m glad that you did what you did. I can’t imagine anyone else who I would be willing to follow to the death.” 

He chuckled at the comment. “Coming from you, that’s a high compliment indeed.”

You tipped your glass at him and drank deeply. 

You knew that the reason why he kept his heart locked up was noble. It was part of the reason why you loved him so much. Your only wish was that you could be part of his vision of the bright and shining future when you were free of the titans. But you knew that it could never be. The same nobility that kept him from starting a relationship in the pre-titan age would keep his heart locked up even after they disappeared. While the titans were alive, he would be the lone soul who would unwaveringly shoot for the future. When they were gone, he would face his demons and willingly bury himself under the guilt of all of his sins. Love would never be allowed in either world.

You knew all of that. That’s why you full-heartedly accepted Levi when your flirtatious banter came to a fever pitch, resulting in a heated kiss in the pantry. The short man was unexpectedly passionate as he was now as he held you in his bed, as if he was trying to claim you after your late-night conversation with Erwin. You could feel his desire for you as his lips grazed your body, slowly making his way down to your core. You shivered when you felt his hot breath at your mound and moaned as his tongue swirled at the sensitive nub in your folds. 

As you closed your eyes, your mind wandered to another face. In your imagination, you saw a golden head of hair in between your legs and you could feel your walls clenching as the image became more vivid. You cried out as your body spasmed in pleasure but when you opened your eyes, you saw your lover’s face in front of you. You couldn’t help but feel the tears forming, your heart torn as Levi held you gently and kissed away your sadness. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. 

He held you tighter and kissed you on the forehead, trying to reassure you. 

“I love you,” you said. It was the truth. Only the statement was true for two people. Somehow, Levi seemed to understand. Despite his sympathy, it only made you feel even worse.


	3. Erwin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty SPOILER HEAVY CHAPTER despite the reader-insert aspect of it. I had a hard time writing this chapter but hopefully you will enjoy this nonetheless.
> 
> Thanks so much for your support for this work. I will be working on something else in a bit. We'll see where that takes us. For now, I hope you enjoy this and my other fic, Library Tales!

Erwin knew about it all. The attraction that he felt towards the clever Squad Leader with a smart mouth, the one he could trust to discuss strategies with, the one whose image was burned into his dreams at night. He knew that it was possible that [F/N] may have felt the same way. The way your face would light up when you spoke, the way you would share a look that only the two of you would understand, the way you would both be engrossed in a conversation about any topic. He knew that if he tried, he could make the romance bloom between the two of you. But he wouldn’t. For many reasons.

He knew of your relationship with Levi after he spied the two of you kissing frantically in the pantry one evening. He quickly fled the vicinity, giving the pair of you some privacy but by then, he had already felt the mix of jealousy, anger, sadness course through his veins. That could have been him sharing those fleeting moments of happiness before you inevitably met your deaths. It was then that he realized that all along, he had harboured the fantasy of being with you, as you were with Levi. He had to slowly come to his senses when he thought of the pain if he were to lose the person he loved most. Horrific memories of his late father, killed for his quest for the truth haunted him. 

If anything, he would make sure he would be the first to die. He would protect you from the pain that he knew full well since he was a child. In your heart, he would stay irrelevant. Levi would be the one to keep you safe from that pain. Of all people, Levi would survive the titans. He could make you happy. It was for the best. 

Or at least he thought so. The expedition to Wall Maria was at a critical point and there was no escape. At least for him. He was standing with you and Levi, slightly far from the rest of the Survey Corps as you discussed possible plans. The foreign titan shifters were mounting an attack. It was time to do or die. At least for him, literally. Levi could take down the Beast Titan and he would lay his life for this mission. Erwin saw your eyes widen when he explained the plan. He had never seen you cry but he could have sworn that he saw teary eyes before you hastily turned away. 

“No!” yelled Levi. With your back turned, you didn’t see both men looking toward you. 

“You must, Levi,” said Erwin. It was for the best. With a heavy sigh, he finally addressed you. “Squad Leader [L/N].” 

You turned and saluted and with a shaky breath, asked: “Yes?”

“You know the chain of command,” he said steadily. You nodded in reply. “Hange will be Commander after me. Should she be unable to lead, you will be the interim Commander. Captain Levi will be able to provide you with support for all operations during and after this mission should you need it.” 

A sudden impulse caused you to grab the front of his shirt but somehow, both of you knew that there was no anger behind your actions. Erwin took your hand and lifted them slowly from his collar. Even though your wrists were slack, he kept your hand in his.  
“Go to Eren’s group. Approach them with caution. I need you to relay the news,” he ordered. “Don’t worry, Levi will probably join the rest of you shortly after that.”

There was nothing else to say and nothing you could do. He smiled inwardly in satisfaction and let go of your hand with a silent prayer that you would be safe when all the dust settled. You gave a final salute and walked past Erwin. Levi came up and looked you in the eye, his expression pained. 

With one last look at the two men, one with a vision and a hope clear as day, the other with a brooding demeanour dark as night, you wondered at the life you could have had. Perhaps in a different lifetime, with no titans or walls, their affections and intentions would be clearer to you. Maybe you could have tried to build a relationship with both of them at some point to see who you preferred. Or perchance, without death looming over all of you, could have had a chance to think and feel and figure out what these confusing feelings meant and what you could have done. All of these possibilities raced in your head, all of the could'ves, should'ves… You shook off the feeling. There was no time for regret. You would carry out your orders. Maybe you would be mourning in Levi’s arms the next day. Or nursing Erwin’s wounds in the infirmary. Or deal with a life or death situation.

Who knows?


End file.
